Not Being Picked First is Okay! Try Explaining That to a Five-Year-Old

by Drew Holmes

Last week we read a new book at bedtime for the boys, “I’m Gonna Like Me”, by Jamie Lee Curtis. It is a good book about self-esteem and how you can choose to love yourself no matter what happens. Timothy, who always like to be first in all things, fixated on the page where the girl was picked last on the playground and was okay with it.

A bit of background on Timothy: he is in the running for the most competitive person I have ever met. Anyone I grew up with in the hyper-competitive academic environment we all created for each other will attest to the seriousness of that statement. He was visibly shaken and saddened by not only the thought of being picked last, but more importantly of not being picked first.

Seeing his discomfort at the thought, my dad brain quickly shifted gears. “Hey, buddy!” I said, “Have I ever told you about Tom Brady?”

“No…” he replied, reluctantly.

In case you do not know, here is the quick recap of Tom Brady’s career in the National Football League:

He was picked 199th overall in the 2000 NFL Draft. The scouting report on him dismissively summarized him as “Poor build, skinny, lacks great physical stature and strength, and gets knocked down easily.” Over the course of his two-plus decades in the NFL, he has been a five-time Super Bowl MVP, three-time league MVP, two-time Offensive Player of the Year, and 14-time Pro Bowler. His seven Super Bowl victories are the most in NFL history. Second place on that list is a tie between the New England Patriots and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Not a typo. He personally has more Super Bowl rings than any single franchise.

The NFL is brutal and demands results in the form of championships. Love him or hate him, the argument in favor of Tom Brady having earned the title as the greatest quarterback, if not football player, of all time is quite compelling.

I related this story to Timothy in a way that a five-year-old could grasp. I told him how Mr. Tom Brady was not picked first or second. Or even third or fourth. That he had to watch 198 other people get picked ahead of him before he was chosen to be on a team. And even then, he had to work hard every day with no guarantee of playing time, but he was ready when he got his chance to show what he could do. Instead of being sad that he was not picked first, he made the most of his situation and has had unimaginable success as one of the best who ever played professional football. Tom Brady is the best example that where you are picked matters little. What is important is how you prepare and what you do when you have an opportunity to shine.

As I waited for this all to sink in, there seemed to be a glimmer of understanding in him, a spark of recognition that where we start is decided for us, but where we end up is entirely our choice.

“Dad!” said Timothy.

“Yes?” I replied, anxious to see how much of the message had found fertile soil and taken root in his mind.

“Who was chosen 200th?”

Oh well. As always, parenting is one lesson at a time.