You Will Find a Fortune, Though it Will Not Be the One You Seek

by Drew Holmes

Update! Check out All-Star Update for the latest on this story!

The Major League Baseball All-Star Game was in Denver this year, and at Timothy’s insistence, we were there. He had been looking forward to it from the moment I said we were going, and he was beside himself with excitement. This was a major sporting event, right in our backyard, and we were going to be a part of it. I was almost as excited as him.

The gates opened at 3:00 for a 5:30 start time and we were lined up and ready. Timothy beamed as we found our seats in section 160 for batting practice and happily ate popcorn. I pointed out that four of the five Red Sox (including his favorite Rafael Devers) were in the outfield in front of us. As game time approached, he was in his happy place.

Then something unforeseen happened. During the National Anthem, the stadium erupted in fireworks. Timothy has challenges processing sensory information, so the unexpected pyrotechnics surrounding him were terrifying. As the first pitch was thrown, I did my best to calm him down, telling him to take deep breaths. But after an hour of walking the stadium and buying souvenirs it was obvious that he would not be able to reset from such a trauma in an unfamiliar environment. By the second inning our All-Star experience was over with us barely able to watch a pitch.

Why would I take a five-year-old to an event like this? He loves baseball. It is what he thinks about when he wakes up and what he dreams about at night. He loves watching highlights and hearing about players. These men are his heroes. Knowing how overwhelmed Timothy can get by unfamiliar situations (and how excited he was to be a part of this event), this seemed the perfect way to help him overcome some of those fears. The world is a great big place and I want him to experience all of it. My job as his father is to provide him the tools and experiences to do that.

Unfortunately, I did not anticipate this problem. I tried my best to not let my frustration at feeling powerless to help him cloud our experience, but I know he could feel it. It is impossible to be disappointed without expectations, and he and I each had some big ones for this event. In retrospect I should have anticipated fireworks as a part of the celebration, but without warning I was unable to prepare him for what was going to happen.

The day was not without positives! We were at the ballpark for almost four hours, and Timothy loved the pregame experience. Years ago, the crowd and the noise from that many people would have overwhelmed him, but he was excited by it. He even danced to the music during batting practice, singing along with the songs he knew! Say what you will about the product on the field, but Coors Field has always delivered a top-notch fan experience in the stadium. We came away with some great souvenirs and memories for what we were able to participate in. And Timothy was able to verbalize what was so upsetting to him, a marked improvement from years past. My responsibility is to meet him where he is at and knowing how problematic the fireworks were this time, I will be able to adapt in the future.

In the car on the way home, baseball game on the radio, I made sure Timothy understood why I was sad.

“Buddy,” I said, “I’m not upset with you. I’m just sad that you did not get to enjoy more of the game and see your favorite players.”

“It’s okay, Daddy. Take a deep breath and I will fix your broken heart.”

Immediately a quote from O Brother Where Art Thou? Came to mind: “You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.” This little boy who had suffered as severe a sensory overload as I had ever witnessed was doing his best to comfort me and make my day better.

I am still saddened by the missed opportunity for making more memories, but I am grateful for the ones he and I were able to make together. It was not the experience I had hoped for him, but it is the one he was able to have and enjoy. I could not be prouder of him or more honored to get to experience it through his eyes.